February 28, 2004
The Big News
I've been waiting for three months to write about this here and now I can't figure out what to say.
After a long time of trying and many moments of feeling like it would never happen, I am finally going to be having a baby. Today marks the official beginning of my second trimester.
These are our very first pictures of the baby.
I am already in love. My baby is a wriggly, spinning, waving, miracle.
February 21, 2004
If I had a Shit List
If I had a Shit List, it would be getting mighty full by now.
Like you, Mr. "I-don't-listen". I hate working with you. I do. You would be on my shit list. And I wouldn't even bother to tell you because you don't listen and you'd just argue with me anyway.
And you, the lady in front of me in line who thinks it is still 1980 and you are an extra in a cheesy 80's music video. You didn't do anything to me but your serious fashion violation and bad Jersey mall hair annoyed me.
And you, the person of unknown gender who almost took me and my husband out on the road today because you were too damn impatient to wait until there was NO oncoming traffic before trying to pass a very large truck. Dumbass.
I'm so easily annoyed lately. I'd probably have to put everyone on the Shit List and slowly let people off the hook when I realized that they don't suck. Those that stayed on the list would face an unspeakable horror. Because it is unspeakable, I will just say that it would include a large mallet, kerosene, a shovel, and some cinnamon gum. Why cinnamon gum? Because a girl needs fresh breath even while committing unspeakable horrors.
In happier news, I got to see my friend Robin today. Seeing Robin is always a happy thing. But I'm a little worried about her because she needs to find work which is hard to do in this shitty economy. (I'm adding the economy to my Shit List!) Anyway, she needs to find a job. One that does not suck. One that pays her enough to live on. One that does not make her cry and cry and be on the Dark Side.
Can everyone please take a moment and send Robin some sunshine happy vibes. She needs the vibes, people. Send them. Better yet, if you live in the Bay Area, are looking for a wicked smart and super cool Administrative Assistant (and you are not a meanie who would end up on my Shit List) let me know and I will hook you up with Robin.
February 15, 2004
Cease and Desist
To Whom It May Concern,
Please stop sending me e-mail asking if I'd like to enlarge my penis. I do not have a penis. I do not plan on getting a penis. I am a woman and quite happy with that, really. I must insist you stop with the constant barrage of e-mail (in several different languages) addressing the penis that I do not have.
Please stop. Please, please stop.
Sincerely,
Michelle (A woman with no penis.)
P.S. Don't go getting any ideas about vagina e-mail. Mine is just fine as it is.
February 07, 2004
Weekends
My husband is gone every other weekend. So on the weekends when he is home we usually try to do something fun.
We're trying to save up some money and to pay off some debt so we are living on a shoestring budget. This means that our "something fun" has to be inexpensive. Ok, so it has to be free. And preferably legal.
Cat's favorite suggestion is, "Let's go out and take pictures". He's a photographer, so this is a perfectly normal suggestion. However, when I go with him, it is certain that the photo ops will be extremely limited. I'm a curse. Last time we went out, I took one picture. It was of some weird, hairy bull looking thing that may or may not have been a yak living on a small farm near our house. He didn't take any pictures at all.
I think he's coming down with a cold so I wasn't sure if he would want to do anything today or not. When I asked him he said, "I'm going to take it easy. But I wanted to try to take pictures."
His plan this time is to pick an actual destination instead of driving around aimlessly, hoping we'll see something cool (which is our usual approach). Still, how much do you want to bet that we will come home with one picture I took of some weird bug.
Still, I love the weekends when he is home. I don't really care what we do as long as we are spending time together.
(Note to Cat: Don't read this and think this means that I am willing to spend an entire weekend watching Sports Center with you. I love you, but that's just cruel.)